Maybe the idea of "doing it all" or "having it all" isn't really a great concept. Those brilliant, talented moms in business, leading companies, and fighting the good fights aren't on a cake walk. Balancing takes strategy, practice, focus and determination.

COLLECTIVE WISDOM

On being a working mom

“For mothers in the USA it’s the returning to work after having a child after 12 weeks…I still haven’t got over the absolute travesty that is ‘maternity leave.’”

“The best advice I got the first time was be mindful about giving yourself grace. That is a daily struggle for me still but so important.”

“For me personally, I found it incredibly empowering to know that not only was I a communications professional, but oh yeah I also used my body to create and sustain the life of two humans! To me that is some badassery right there…It’s only when we continue to give credence to the narrative that men are somehow not affected by being a parent as much, that it continues to be true.”

“For me, I like to think of Mom as a certification I've added to my resume. It's an addition, but I'm still the same person I was before I had kids. I've always wanted kids, and I've also always wanted to be a working mom. I feel zero guilt about sending my kids to daycare. We're all happier when they go…I think when you can be open about your need for time off, you reduce the stigma of the "working mom" and also make it easier for dads to step up and do more sick days and doctor's visits.

“I try to remind myself of that every time I get annoyed when someone asks me about my kid before they ask about me; or seem surprised when I say that I love to go to work every day; or when - gods forbid - I say that I don't enjoy parenting very much. I try to remember that their assumptions are not true just because they're stated out loud. I still know who I am and you will too.”

“I was asking a coworker of mine who has two older kids when she thought it was most important to be available and with your kids more—when they are older or younger…she said, ‘For me it’s the quality of time, not the quantity of time.’”

ON RETURNING TO WORK

“It's going to be OK. You may surprise yourself! I thought I was going to be a mess when I went back to work (although it was about 5 months after giving birth) but I felt fine, which may not be the norm.”

“Do whatever you like to do most [the week before returning]-- exercise, go to a movie, etc. Schedule something you like (during the day!) at the end of the first week as a reward--nails, hair, etc. Buy the book The Fifth Trimester if you haven't already. Go easy.”

“It's okay to be sad. It's also okay if you have a great first day back. Grab a coffee or lunch with a coworker. Think only about YOUR needs for large chunks at a time. Enjoy adult conversation. Anything you feel is valid and okay.”

“It's a marathon not a sprint. It will take a while to settle into this new routine. Go easy on yourself and your partner. Prep everything the night before. Know what you are wearing, have bags packed etc…”

“Do as much as you can on Sunday such as picking out all your clothes for the week and baby's too, meal prep, etc.”

“It is so tough but it really does get better over time! My best advice is give it a few weeks to adjust and try not to dwell on feeling negative about things. Look at pictures or ask for pics during the day is a great tip, but if it makes you upset then I would skip it. Each day can feel long but you will also feel so lucky that you get to come home to your little one each night.”

“Be gentle with yourself! It’s OK to not be OK. Connect with colleagues who are also moms and will understand. Little by little it will get easier.”

“Take a sick day if you are too sleep deprived to work!”

On managing life

“Clothes for the week pulled out on Sunday. Having my kids outfits [picked] out saves so much time in the morning. Meal planning and prep as much as possible. While I'm cooking and getting dinner to the table, my husband is on bath duty with the kids. Pumping at work along with all that needs to get done has been the most stressful this go round for me.”

“Having a clear division of kid responsibilities really helps us…We prep all daycare bottles and put in travel cooler bag in the fridge the night before.And also - I love cooking too but I’ve just had to realize this is not my year for it…We’ve found that easy dump into a casserole or spread on a pan meals that take 5-10 mins to prep then bake for 20-30 are the easiest in terms of managing the toddler after daycare. Depending on your commute you could also do toddler breakfast in the car to minimize rush at home.”

“You are setting a great example for your kid. Completing daily tasks and feeling accomplished at work feels really good. Don't work when you pump, instead look at pics or videos of your baby.Take videos of yourself nursing (if you are breastfeeding). Those baby grunts and sweet sentiments help get the milk flowing. Pumping at work is the worst, come back here to complain and commiserate often. It's over before you know it- hang in there for exactly as long as you want to, and not a minute less or more. Don't make plans with your friends for about 3 months. Your first weekends will probably be full of getting all the family time you can. It's okay to slow down for a while. Get fancy coffee- you deserve it.”

“We started running a small load of laundry each night, dry in the morning. Same with dish washer. Run it every night. Thankfully our machines have express cycles!”

“Let some things slide now and then. Don't fold the clothes, don't clean up constantly...let it go, let it go!”

“Close the door of a room that is giving you anxiety...that’s the beauty of doors.”

On flexible work schedules

“I cherish my flexible work time more now so I can pop in for an hour and a half to lead the kid’s holiday school party or take ten minutes to pick them up from school. It’s the quality of the little things that matter. I may be working from home after I pick them up, but the fact is I’m available. And if they need to talk—or just me being there in the room with them—I’m there and it makes a difference.”

“Focus on the business benefit of you being more productive than of anything related to home…propose up front to check in with your boss formally in 3 months or 6 months to evaluate the impact. You could be a great test case for your company moving forward!”

“I always find bosses receptive when I position it as a ‘Power Day’ to be productive in a quiet space.”

“[Work flex is] much more common than it used to be and the change in country culture over flexible workdays has changed.”

“Stress how available you can make yourself on your WFH day (IM, video conferences, cell always on, etc.). Also agree you might be able to focus on some important longer-range projects that would benefit the company if you had a bit of productive space. Either way I wouldn’t bring up the personal side of things and would keep the focus on how they’d be getting a more productive employee.”

“It is always helpful to lay out a case for how you will manage meetings or your schedule with working from home…working from home at least one day a week makes a huge difference in mom life. Don't hesitate to advocate for yourself. Worst that can happen is he/she says no…. keep the conversation focused on your work and deliverables and how it will not interrupt your day-to-day.”

“Think about whether you'd be willing to come in at the last minute on that day if something comes up, and how much advance notice you would need. Since you deal with issues as they come up, be explicit in how you will still be able to do that while working at home, whether via email, phone, video conference, etc. I'd also think about which day you'd prefer to work at home and have a back-up if [she/he] says no to that specific day for some reason. One day a week is such a reasonable request…”

ON “Work-life balance”

“It’s not about balance. It’s about empowerment and support for my ability and desire to lead at work and at home.”

“I definitely struggle with the home/ work/ family/ fun balance… it is certainly not easy to work full time and be present for family and myself. I find it's critical to be aware of the way my self talk and expectations of myself can become warped and critical when under stress…Interrupting this self criticism and being realistic helps a lot! Forget being supermom and give yourself a pat on the back for being a functional human and mom!”

“Managing the balancing act of life: kid(s), work, house, partner or any other factor you want to throw in there for fun. Oh and ‘me time’ when does that happen again? I honestly think we are all just doing the best we can. And that's totally fine!”

“‘Work like you don’t have kids and parent like you don’t work.’ Racket, indeed.’”

ON CHILD CARE

“Practice run [of daycare] is great for you and babe.”

“…definitely don't linger too much at drop off. Give kisses and go. It's hard, but truly better that way. Oh, and save putting on your makeup until after dropoff.”

“It will be fine! The hardest part for me was getting out the door the first day. My advice would be not to think about it too much. You can always reevaluate your choices later. Instead, focus on the fact that you can eat lunch with two hands and have uninterrupted conversations. It helped me to plan coffee breaks and lunch dates with friends. And remember, it’s way harder on you than the baby.”

“Something one of my friends told me about leaving baby to go to work that really resonated with me: “‘he more people that love and get to know your baby, the better. The more people your baby gets to love, the better for baby.’”

“One trick that really helped me was letting my [partner] handle daycare drop off, while I do daycare pickup. You can also try and do some shorter days during the beginning and pick your baby up early.”

“It's going to be so hard in the beginning, but in the end it will hopefully be really beneficial for both of you. Socialization and learning to be in new environments (and new people) is going to do wonders for her…hopefully you can keep expectations low on the work front in the beginning and just be kind to yourself…there's always going to be hard transitions, but ultimately things will turn out.”