We have SO many questions about what’s normal/not normal, we miss work for sick kids, weird rashes show up (all.the.time.) and we need to deal with epic toddler meltdowns. We are all just doing the best we can.

COLLECTIVE WISDOM

“For those who have used The Wonder Weeks app/book: does it give you anxiety or peace? Because I find myself analyzing it constantly and getting depressed about the additional fussiness to come!”

“The biggest mystery in becoming a parent is the mysterious rashes. I kid you not. All sorts of rashes pop up and there never seems to be a really good exclamation for them, other than some kind of ‘virus.’ Infuriating and maybe/possibly comforting! I of course always say if you are concerned, call your pediatrician or go to urgent care, especially if they are a little! I definitely went to urgent care once when my kiddo got a bad rash.”

“My only advice is not to expect anything [about teething] to happen for a while (although it might - every baby is so different). Our 7-month-old has been drooling like crazy, using teething toys, and putting anything and everything in her mouth for over 3 months now. There have been several times that we thought additional symptoms meant for sure that a tooth would pop up any day, but we’re still waiting.”

“I've been a mom for 4 1/2 years and it took me this long to learn this, so I'm sharing it with others: Instead of yelling at your kids at the bottom of the stairs to hurry up and get upstairs to get dressed/go to bed/whatever, you just go upstairs first. They always follow you. Always. Without hesitation. Works from the top of stairs to get them to the bottom as well. What took me so long?!”

“My sister and I often found when we were out with our kiddos together, they seemed to listen and behave better if the opposite mom was guiding them/disciplining them.”

“Do not get trapped at ANY TIME into the horrible, “Oh where will my kid be able to get into college trap’…that problem alone is creating a generation of freaked out, overworked, depressed and discouraged young people.”

ON TODDLERS

“I tried timeouts for a bit (a minute per each year like above) but that was short-lived bc it wasn’t teaching her much and it was a huge pain to police. At her most indignant she would climb off the penalty bench with a “F you, mom!” look on her face...I got better at learning not to play the power struggle game. I generally tried to reserve the word ‘No’ for safety issues for herself or others (i.e., swatting at mommy/daddy/dog).” 

“I do one minute time outs (a minute for their age) and tell them why. ‘You can’t throw your food.’ Around his time in development for things that are obvious defiances. Even if they don’t totally get it, it will connect eventually…”

When there were [other] behaviors I wasn’t wild about, I tried to redirect in a positive way. Oh, and I got really good at pretending I didn’t see her doing things so that I didn’t have to provide a consequence.”

“The hardest thing at that [toddler] age for me was trying to determine a consequence for actions. Like, I seriously had to resort to taking away a story at nighttime. Or not allowing her to climb into the car seat through the trunk (she loves to do this so it became a reward for getting out of daycare and into the car quickly).”

“I really like Janet Lansbury's philosophy and I found her book No Bad Kids to be helpful to an extent but there was a certain point that it just absolutely no longer worked for us and caused a lot of shame and guilt for me. At this age it is all about redirecting…Also, what you expect of him - I will not let you hit, we do not hit, we use gentle hands, etc. Lots of showing by example. Lots of love and connection. Give him cues and tell him what is next. I also find it useful to just do it - instead of saying it's time to put our shoes on 87 times, say it once, then say "shoes" and then just put the shoes on, no lecture…You'll find your style and your way - and then as soon as you settle in, there will be a new phase! GAH!”

“That [toddler] age is hard. I found mine didn't really understand a ‘time-ou't’ until much older, so that was useless. It's also harder to distract and redirect them. I found myself saying no ALL THE TIME and it was useless. I like Janet Lansbury…and try to follow her philosophy frequently. The one mantra I keep in my head is to find ways to say yes....so, it's not ‘don't jump on the couch’ but it's let's jump on this pillow on the floor, or whatever other activity is OK. Find ways to reduce the negative attention and increase the positive. I try to think of it as I need to teach my kid what to do and not teach her what not to do. Giving choices as frequently as you can is also a way to give them control. Pick out your cup, your toy, your socks, etc.”

“Much of the [toddler] behavior is to get attention. They don’t really understand the concept of good/bad so keeping your cool and rolling with it is the best thing to do. If a tantrum ensues, once the moment has passed and everyone has calmed down, then I talk about it.”

on POTTY TRAINING

“The best advice I can give you is patience…we started training my kiddo when he was 2.4 years old. He started over Christmas break last year. Five months later, he has really started getting the hang of it and going unprompted. We are consistent: we remind him that he needs to go. If he has an accident, we say, ‘accidents happen, and poop and pee go in the potty.’ We did the “Oh Crap Potty Training” method. I can’t decide if I loved or hated it! There’s a Daniel Tiger potty training book, an Elmo potty training video (and book) that he responded well to. He is also very food motivated, we did M&Ms and dum-dums. Our mantra is the Daniel Tiger song: ‘If you have to go potty, stop and go right away! Flush and wash and be on your way!’”

“Mine would not tell for the longest time and I think that is very common. In the beginning, we set a timer and she had to try. No questions. We had all sorts of rewards and treats if she did go. We also kept a potty in the living room for easy access.”

“Make a rewards sticker chart and hang it on the bathroom door! Pinterest has tons of pictures and inspiration for them. My daughter loved this, and while I’ve heard girls are easier than boys with potty training, I feel like the reward chart was essential to her fast success.”

“Different things work for different kids. We potty trained my 2.5 year old during a week long vacation. She wore a diaper the whole time, we just took her to the potty every two hours. I told her she could wear undies when we got back from vacation if she had dry diapers. It worked. Potty training on vacay is not ideal, but it’s the only time we were going to be with her 24/7. Good luck!”

“Daycare did most of the work for me, but I will say that the first day he went through I think all six or eight changes of clothes. Every day that number was halved.”